Thursday, January 2, 2014
2014
I've been a huge slacker about keeping up with this. We had such an up
and down 2013 but we made it through. 2014 is going to be different I
am going to look at life different downs are not downs they are just
little speed bumps. We did add a dog to our family, Lucky. He was a shelter find and he turned 4 in December.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Strength
Websters Definition of STRENGTH
1: the quality or state of being strong : capacity for exertion or endurance
The past two weeks I got a whole new definition of Strength! It's so simple it's just SETH!!!! Seth decided he was done with the pills and after 2 and a half years of being on morphine by doctors prescription Seth said I'm DONE! In a little over two weeks Seth kicked the morphine. This man never stops AMAZING me with his level of strength. Here is to us rebuilding the Path that took some huge detours and got derailed but we will make it. We are strong, we are survivors, we have each other I think that's the most important part!!!!!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
It's a Battle
I've learned a lot in my new path as the wife of a Wounded Warrior!
It's hard to think of where we came from and what we have been through
when it feels like we lost that life. We lost the people we relate
too. Our people are Military people, it's a way of life. It's
something people on the outside don't seem to get, unless you have
experienced it. Leaving it behind has left this void in both of us
because we don't know what to do now. We didn't expect this, we were
not ready to be done with it. Now we have to deal. After battling with
things beyond what any one person should deal with it just keeps adding
up. I don't see a break in the dark anymore, the light isn't coming
through the cracks. But we keep forging on to get to where we need to
be. With all that being said we don't ask for help, most of the time no
one even knows we have issues. We fight a battle every day trying to
help him REMEMBER, to fight through the pain. But it's our battle, we
faithfully fight it daily! Because we do this it doesn't change who we
are, it doesn't make him a "Monster" or "Damaged Goods" (and yes, that
is in reference to Dr. Phil). We fight to be Normal, to fit in with
people who don't understand what we gave up, what we have sacrificed and
now we have this stigma to add to it. What the hell, seriously there
are thousands of people out there dealing with these issues and now you
have managed to crush them and make them insignificant. But we will
keep fighting our battle, so our family can be a FAMILY!!!!!!
With all that said. We have had a number of not great days. We have fighting with the VA in our future because apparently they think we have nothing better to do. Apparently it's fun to make up things and guess when you don't know. We were informed he never had a hole in his head (I saw it, I packed it with gauze, I had to clean it, IT WAS THERE)!!! So now we have another battle to add to our list of things we have to fight for. It's funny he fought for his Country with no questions asked, he did what he was told when he was told. And now that it's there turn to take care of him, they can't toe the line and do what needs to be done. Well I am a Warriors Wife, I've been through three deployments, experienced HELL and stared my biggest fear in the face and walked away from it! I am not a person to be reckoned with and I WILL ACCOMPLISH WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! I'm a new breed of Military Spouse one you didn't ever foresee and and I am going to get MY WAY! We deserve nothing less!
With all that said. We have had a number of not great days. We have fighting with the VA in our future because apparently they think we have nothing better to do. Apparently it's fun to make up things and guess when you don't know. We were informed he never had a hole in his head (I saw it, I packed it with gauze, I had to clean it, IT WAS THERE)!!! So now we have another battle to add to our list of things we have to fight for. It's funny he fought for his Country with no questions asked, he did what he was told when he was told. And now that it's there turn to take care of him, they can't toe the line and do what needs to be done. Well I am a Warriors Wife, I've been through three deployments, experienced HELL and stared my biggest fear in the face and walked away from it! I am not a person to be reckoned with and I WILL ACCOMPLISH WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! I'm a new breed of Military Spouse one you didn't ever foresee and and I am going to get MY WAY! We deserve nothing less!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Lots of Changes
We
just recently became aware of the Caregiver program and signed up for
it. I had to complete a test and we had to have a home study. Now we
are all signed up and things are done we have some repairs to make
before our next home study in March and will continue to have them every
three months. We also have someone to help answer the questions we had
that were not getting answered and found out who to go to for our
issues.
Monday, October 10, 2011
A lesser Woman Would have gave in
I guess I can start with being thankful for being a very inquisitive kid
and up in everything when someone was fixing something or working on
outside stuff. It's come in really useful lately. We tackled the
bathroom for a leak and first off if you can walk away from a situation
with knowledge and it costing you less then a professional and you did
the job yourself then RIGHT ON! So lots of Google, YouTube and trips to
Lowe's later we managed to fix the bathroom. Bless Seth's heart for
struggling to get it all done. Then we have been taking care of lawn
things. He mostly ran the saw while I had to do the heavy lifting and
pulling because he can't do that stuff it's too much for his back. We
got a good chunk of it torn out of there and called it quits for the
day. Today I got out there by myself and went to town on the thing. It
is weird when you have to be the one to tackle the big things because
physically he does not need to be doing them. It does feel wonderful to
know that all that time dealing with deployments and handling stuff
helped me get out there and tear down that stuff. I still have to haul
it away and dig up the vines so they don't come back but I did it! I
looked the impossible in the face and beat it. I took all my
frustration out on it and overcame this huge hurtle. You learn to look
at things differently when you have a injured spouse. The little things
you take for granted come clearly when you are the one who ends up
having to do them. It broke my heart the other day to watch him crawl
up the stairs after falling and refusing help. To watch the daily
struggle that goes on in him and know that I might be the only person
who sees it. But he still gets up every day and does it all over again
and fights through the constant pain to be able to function for me and
his kids. It makes you understand the meaning of the quote "You don't
know how strong you are until being strong is all you have". There have
been times when everything seems like it is collapsing around us but I
know we have the important things to make it through, our love, our
family, our faith and our strength. They might not seem like much to
you but to us they are what keeps us going day to day. It's what gets
us through the hard days. Until you understand what it's like to live
that life you wont ever get it. Almost two years ago our life changed
and every day has been a constant battle to just LIVE! Take time and
enjoy things, appreciate what you have and relish in your
accomplishments. You don't know when those things will not be there or
you will not be able to accomplish them. This whole experience has
taught me to enjoy the small things, try and not sweat the other stuff
and blessed me with a renowned since of Faith. From the day I got the
news I new that Seth had Angels and they protected him for a reason. My
Faith and belief in that has not wavered only gotten stronger. God
only gives us what we can handle, I am just a lot stronger then I could
have ever known. Take each day as the adventure it is, be thankful and
blessed. A Lesser Woman Would have Given in with all I have done, seen
and endured but Love and Faith have a powerful way of making you strong
enough to battle the Demons that arise form PTSD and TBI!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Good Days and Bad
It's been one of those battles between the good and the bad here
lately. It angers me that he has to deal with the idiocy along with
everything else. Really he has given up so much for our family and his
country and here we sit in this in-between place. I hate to see the bad
days, the struggles he goes through for the girls and I to have a semi
normal life. I despise the because he doesn't look or seem broken to
you does NOT mean he isn't. If you don't understand it look it up, ask
questions you don't get it if you guess because you do not want to admit
you don't know it all. It's amazing how when those bad days hit you do
whatever you can to ease the pain off of him even if his pride doesn't
want it.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
It's Not Easy
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
It's been awhile
I met a very interesting older man this past weekend that told me about
Adaptive Sports they do up at the VA here. I talked with Seth about
them and even wrote them down for him. Hopefully he remembers the next
time he is out there to check into them. I think it will be good for
him. I also found out they have family support group meetings and I
know it's something I need to look into. It's nice having people who
understand and who have been there too, to talk to. Seth has been
having more bad days then good ones lately and he's taken a number of
falls. Sometimes it's hard to see him struggle with simple things and
know there is nothing I can do or say to help. He is going to step
outside his normal comfort zone and try to be a leader in Scouts.
Hopefully it will give him something he can use some of that knowledge
he learned in the Army to help him and will be a great experience for
both him and the girls. I entered a photo of Seth in a photo challenge
in my Mom's group and he won.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Temporary Rating
We
got a letter last week from the VA with Seth's temporary rating. It's
100% which means he can't have a job, so as much as he wanted to do
photography maybe he can keep doing it for his hobby. He's good at it
and it seems to calm him so it will be a win, win type thing. It feels
like we are finally moving somewhere now that we have this rating. Now
we just wait for the permanent status. Fingers crossed everything else
looks like it is falling into somewhat of a place.
Monday, February 28, 2011
2011 before the Switch
Friday, January 28, 2011
The Bad Guy
Seth came home yesterday with paperwork to fill out and a sheet for me
to fill out. It's about how things have changed since the accident (I
don't know what else to call it) and the things he can't do and all of
that. I'm terrified I've had all these feelings and things I have been
terrified about but am afraid to tell people. I know there are people
out there who are and have gone through the same thing and know my
"secret fears" because they share them to but what kind of person does
it make me to share them. Seth said to tell them all of them it will
help in the long run for them to judge the care he needs and the extend
of the injuries and the side effects we are dealing with but I feel
like it makes me a bad person for having to say them about him. I have
been torn about them since he told me yesterday and he knows what they
are and if he is comfortable with them being read by these people why
am I not? But I will have to bite the bullet and do it even if it does
make me feel like I'm being mean or the bad guy because I know he
needs this.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A lot of stress, a ton of tears and little results
My brain feels like it is on overload. There are days when I just
don't know how I can even function. It's so hard to try and focus on
the good days and not the bad ones. I know it's not his fault and I
have this hate in me that wants to meet the person that did this to him
and beat him in the head so he has to deal with the same thing. It's
hard knowing that most people don't know or understand how I feel and I
feel lost and alone a ton of the time. It would be nice to have a
support group closer to here where I could have wives to talk to that
are going through the same thing. He does things that end up making
him feel worse because he doesn't want to look like he can't take care
of us and then I feel horrible because I know how much it hurts him to
do them.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Little Things
Seth decided he wanted to do product photos today and he needed
posterboard for a backdrop. So we headed to A C Moore because I had a
coupon, and some money left on my giftcard. He found his posterboard
and I had him get a black one too just in case and I picked up flowers
to make my coffee pens for work out of. Then we headed to the grocery
store where the lady behind the counter paid for our groceries. I don't
know if she did it on purpose (we did ask if she did it right) or if
it was because Seth was in his Purple Heart Hat but sometimes it is
amazing the little things people do because of everything he gave up.
Walk Around Town
Seth decided he wanted to walk around downtown and take pictures.
Sometimes it amazes me how much pain he is willing to fight through just
for "that shot". Photography has become such a big part of his
rehabilitation program and his 365 program has helped so much with giving him a sense of purpose and something to focus on each day. Plus he is really good at it.
Here he is trying to get the perfect shot and it does make me see how much his little hobby has really helped him. I just wish it didn't cost a small fortune.
Here he is trying to get the perfect shot and it does make me see how much his little hobby has really helped him. I just wish it didn't cost a small fortune.
Monday, January 3, 2011
A little peace and a whole lot of pain
I'm so thankful for Seth's Mom. She watched the girls today so we
could run errands in peace and we had a few places to go. By the time
we got to the last store though you could see it in the way Seth walked
that our 4 stops had taken it's toll on his back and he was in serious
pain. At least he did get something positive out of the experience
and he got to stop and photograph something he wanted to photograph.
I'm so thankful he has that outlet to help him cope.
And of course I don't know how he tolerates the looks. We walked into a store today and the guy behind the counter stared at him for the longest time like he was a freak because he's a 30 year old with a cane. I know it's not normal but he had his Purple Heart hat on as well he proudly served and sacrificed a great deal for some punk to look at him like he's a freak because of it. It just irritates the crap out of me.
And of course I don't know how he tolerates the looks. We walked into a store today and the guy behind the counter stared at him for the longest time like he was a freak because he's a 30 year old with a cane. I know it's not normal but he had his Purple Heart hat on as well he proudly served and sacrificed a great deal for some punk to look at him like he's a freak because of it. It just irritates the crap out of me.
