Friday, October 17, 2014

15 years still feels like no time has past

It's hard to think it has been 15 years.  I was so young, you were the  big brother I always wanted and the one I needed for so many things but you weren't there anymore.  How is someone supposed to deal with loosing a best friend at 15.  It was a constant struggle and had it not been for Chris I would have never gotten through it.  My world turned upside down when you left it, I knew NO fear I lost it when I lost you.  I had this crazy idea nothing bad could happen to me because you were watching me and you wouldn't let it.  It's amazing I survived.  You brought me out of my shell and turned me into a better version of me.  I remember crying at your grave when I found out I was pregnant with Kyrie.  Happy and sad all rolled into one.  How could something so amazing be happening to me and you not be there to share it with me.  She reminds me of the me I was before you came along a little shy and unsure of even herself.  Funny  to think I was that unsure of myself before I met you.  Little things remind me of you constantly and I know your still with me but it's still so hard knowing you aren't there.  I don't know how many times after you were gone I called your phone just to hear your voice.  Here it is 15 years later and I still can't bring myself to drive a standard, you were supposed to teach me.  I break down anytime anyone tries to show me.  Sometimes I just cry because I just need to know you are still there.  How could a wrong number ever have lead to such a friendship.  One to surpass your death and still be there for me when I stumble.  David, I miss you so much!!!!