Sunday, December 30, 2012

2013 Word of the Year

I know I am posting a few days early but we are going out tomorrow and I have a ton of things to do around the house before we head out.  I am making my Grandma's wonton's (can't wait) and making up some Crab Rangoon along with friend rice and Seth is making Terriyaki wings.  Plus it's Monday and I want to go into the New Year with a clean house.  So my word of the year for 2013 is FAITH.  I want to have more Faith in a lot of things for next year.  More Faith in God, in Me, in my beliefs.  There is so much in life that having more Faith will be so helpful to me.  And to help today while I was out I picked up a journal so I can start writing again, I am going to try and blog more too, and I got two books a Daybook of Positive Thinking and a Listmaking Self discovery book.  I took the plung and am having more faith in my creativity and am making our Christmas Cards for 2013.  Twenty Cards a month out through November should hopefully be enough.  So here is to a year of more FAITH for me in 2013!!!!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Dream Big, Hope Big, Relay Big

This weekend I spent time in Springfield Massachusetts attending a Relay for Life Summit.  One if you are not involved in a Relay you should be, there is no good answer for Why NOT!!!!  I hope for a world that is Cancer free and Relay is helping make that happen.  It was such an empowering experience to listen to these people talk about battling cancer, relaying, making a difference.  I was moved to tears on a number of occasions.  Cancer has hit my family, my friends, it's a burden but I refuse to sit by and do nothing.  So I Relay, Kyrie Relay's, Seth Relays and when she gets bigger Zee will Relay.  To feel so empowered by others actions and moved by  feelings and thoughts.  I am a Mom, and I am a Relayer!!!!!!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

A Million Different Ways to Find Me

I decided to turn a new leaf and to work more on finding me.  One of the biggest things I feel since we have been here is I have lost me.  So with that I am doing things for me.  I am more on top of the things I need to get done and doing things that make me happy.  This may never be home to me but I am stuck here and I have to deal with it.  HOME will always be the SOUTH, and I am PROUD beyond belief to be a Southern Girl!!!!!
So with that I have had meetings Wednesday and Thursday.  I am going to be a Daisy Girl Scout Leader, even though Kyrie will be a Brownie.  I think it is better for both of us for me not to be right there with her.  She needs the chance to keep doing this all on her own.  She is such an independent kid (I glad she got some of my better traits).  Then Thursday I had my Relay for Life meeting to officially switch over to become the Survivor Caregiver Chair for the Greater Augusta Relay for Life.  Since my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer I have felt a deep desire to be more involved in something that makes me feel like it is helping to make a difference.  So after being told of the position opening up on committee I toke it.  
I am organized, in a very Sheldon like way.  But being in the funk from being here and feeling like everything I have done has been pointless.  I feel like my opinions don't matter but I am sick of it all.  I have two beautiful little girls who need me to be the Mommy I was before coming here.  So I am fighting to regain me for them.  I am extremely guarded with who I let in and what I let them know.  I don't spill my heart to just anyone, I learned my lesson the hard way after Seth got hurt.  So I have my circle those are the people I trust with my inner thoughts and feelings.  They are the people who stood by during the worst and helped me through it.  Don't judge me until you have been there and few people have been there.  

My creativity has kicked the bucket lately and it blows my mind.  I have no desire to be me.  I want, no I NEED to find a way back to that release.  I need Scrap Dates again.  I need crafty buddies.  It's how I relax.  

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Birthday and Baseball

So to kick off my last year before the big 30 we spent the day at the ball park with the girls and our Church family.  I love that our Church family really is like part of our family.  It has been so helpful in not having my family here to have all of them to be there.  The girls got antsy after the 7th inning but Mommy was too so I can't blame them.  Give me a hockey game any day, I'll learn to do the baseball thing but Hockey is where it's at. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Yep that about sums it up

Loads of things have been going on lately and I haven't been in a mood for much of anything to include crafts so you know it's been a huge ball of stress for me.  But I've managed to work through it all, hopefully.  I'm taking steps to try and make this place feel like home, I'm not sure it will ever be HOME in my heart but it's where home is so I have to make the best of it.  I've turned in paperwork to be a troop leader for Girl Scouts next year.  I'm going to be the Caregiver/Surviorship Chair for Relay for Life next year.  I'm slowly finding my way to me and towards making me happy.  About a month ago the Doctor found a lump in my breast (it's not cancer but it does need to be removed) and it made me realize how much of Home and the Military way of life I miss.  I grew up only knowing the Army, and I wouldn't change it for the world.  Now not having either of those things I feel lost and at a constant battle to find myself.  Kyrie is now terrified of the hospital she refuses to go into one she is associating what happened with Seth to the hospital.  I am at a loss to try and deal with this.  I feel like I'm failing all around, as a Mom, a wife and a person.  I fight each day just to make it through the day and find myself a little more.  It's funny I never thought I would miss home and My Family as much as I do.  I miss you being able to hug my Mom and it make everything better.  I wish I had that kind of thing here. 

I've been working with Kyrie on patch stuff lately and trying to help her earn all the stuff she needs to finish Daisys.  It's so hard to imagine she will be in Second grade in a few months.  She is more like me then I want to admit some days.  And it worries me beyond belief some times.

Zee will be doing pre-school again next year.  And loves doing two schools this year.  She gets upset when she doesn't have school.  She has made a ton of friends her age (which is a big part of two schools, since at the one she said her friends where the BIG KIDS or high schoolers that taught the class).  I swear there should be a manual about dealing with your strong willed Red Headed Child!  Maybe I should write one. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Gender Roles GARBAGE

So Miss Zee loves Toy Story her room has a bunch of cut outs of the Characters on her walls, she has a Toy Story bed tent.  I don't care if people thing it's a "Boy thing" it's what she likes and that's all I care about.  Well I hit my break point with this today I found the most amazing ROCKING shoes ever and do they sell them for women, nope.  Is that going to stop me wanting them or begging for them NOPE.  I will own a pair of Kermit shoes but I don't get why we have to place these rules on kids.  I grew up with my favorite color being BLUE, I could care less if I was told it's a boy color it's what I liked so people could deal with it or hush up.  I read an article the other day about two boys and a dad at a store buying a video game and controller and the father loosing it because the younger boy wanted a purple controller.  First it was AWESOME looking second what does it matter what color your kid likes.  Grow a pair, if the kid is gay he is and embrace him for being himself.  If not and he just likes purple so be it, we are all individuals and that's how it should be.  If we had boys they would be in Dance class right along with the girls.  I see NOTHING wrong with it.  For the few of you out there who don't think it's right you are entitled to that opinion but really think long and hard about what you are trying to raise your kids like.  I want my girls to be there own person, do what they want to do, dress how they feel like.  You have to let them figure out for themselves who they are and what they want to be.  You can either teach them being who you are is FINE no matter what other people think or you can just be STUPID!!!!!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Post Party Crazies

I had a helper to make Kyrie's birthday banner and she wasn't the most helpful little cat laying on the letters and trying to get the ribbon and eyelets but I got it all done.  I made a cupcake for school snack on Friday and the Zebra Pink heart cake for her rock star party today. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012 Brave

My Word of the Year (W.O.Y.) for 2012 is BRAVE!!!!!  I am thinking of doing my craft as wood letters with paper and vinyl because out of all the words I have picked in the past this is the one that I think I need the most.  I have to learn to be Brave so I can teach the girls to be brave too.  We are over the hump of signing up with the Caregiver program now it's just getting done the things we need to get done before our next home visit in March (not a lot of time for slow steps thankfully not too much is needed).  I picked Brave after seeing a quote posted onto one of the PTSD/TBI people/organizations I follow. 

I know this is not where I thought my life would be at 30, but this is where I am so I need to learn to be Brave with it and strive on.  I am having a hard time with admitting we need help, and working on not being so stressed out.  I am tired of sitting on the sidelines in our life, now is the time to get out and do what needs to be done.  I am not excepting NO, anymore I am going to find the things we need to make our family better.  Almost three years ago we were thrown for the biggest loop we have faced, now we are working on ways to beat and deal with what we were dealt from it all.  It might not be what we dreamed it would be but it is what we got so I am going to make the most of it.  Now I just have to start facing the problems we have head and and not back away because I am too afraid of admitting we need help. 

I also see a Disney Movie on my To Watch with the kids list, it is perfectly named BRAVE, Disney must have known I needed a movie about my Word!