Saturday, September 15, 2012

A Million Different Ways to Find Me

I decided to turn a new leaf and to work more on finding me.  One of the biggest things I feel since we have been here is I have lost me.  So with that I am doing things for me.  I am more on top of the things I need to get done and doing things that make me happy.  This may never be home to me but I am stuck here and I have to deal with it.  HOME will always be the SOUTH, and I am PROUD beyond belief to be a Southern Girl!!!!!
So with that I have had meetings Wednesday and Thursday.  I am going to be a Daisy Girl Scout Leader, even though Kyrie will be a Brownie.  I think it is better for both of us for me not to be right there with her.  She needs the chance to keep doing this all on her own.  She is such an independent kid (I glad she got some of my better traits).  Then Thursday I had my Relay for Life meeting to officially switch over to become the Survivor Caregiver Chair for the Greater Augusta Relay for Life.  Since my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer I have felt a deep desire to be more involved in something that makes me feel like it is helping to make a difference.  So after being told of the position opening up on committee I toke it.  
I am organized, in a very Sheldon like way.  But being in the funk from being here and feeling like everything I have done has been pointless.  I feel like my opinions don't matter but I am sick of it all.  I have two beautiful little girls who need me to be the Mommy I was before coming here.  So I am fighting to regain me for them.  I am extremely guarded with who I let in and what I let them know.  I don't spill my heart to just anyone, I learned my lesson the hard way after Seth got hurt.  So I have my circle those are the people I trust with my inner thoughts and feelings.  They are the people who stood by during the worst and helped me through it.  Don't judge me until you have been there and few people have been there.  

My creativity has kicked the bucket lately and it blows my mind.  I have no desire to be me.  I want, no I NEED to find a way back to that release.  I need Scrap Dates again.  I need crafty buddies.  It's how I relax.  

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